How to Know Your Partner’s Love Language – If you’ve been waiting a long time to hear those magic words, “I love you,” but your partner keeps saying things like, “Did you know? I changed your spark plug”, don’t worry. Of course Mr. Fix-it loves you. He simply speaks a different “love language”, a concept that Dr. Gary Chapman. 5 love languages.
A love language is exactly what it sounds like: the way you communicate to show that you love someone. For some, this really means saying “I love you” bluntly. But other people stumble over the letter “L” and show their love instead of saying it. You need to know your own love language, as well as your partner’s, to communicate effectively, says Leslie Doares, host of the Happily Ever After podcast — that’s just the beginning. “When you speak their love language, they can really ‘hear’ you and feel like they matter,” she told The List.
Here’s how to determine your love language – and the language your partner “speaks”. This can help your relationship last a lifetime.
5 Different Love Languages (How to Know Your Partner’s Love Language)
If your way of expressing love is by whispering sweet things in his ear — or if you tend to give him compliments — then your language is “words of affirmation,” according to Dr. Chapman. Other love languages are for showing rather than telling someone how you feel. Helping fix your car or bake a cake translates to “an act of service.” Whoever hugs and kisses speaks the language of “physical touch”. If you tend to give special gifts just because you speak the language of love, “receive gifts.” Finally, there is the “quality time” that native speakers love – they just want to hang out.
Once you understand what your language is and compare it to your partner’s, you can begin to understand their patterns of disagreement. Suddenly “You don’t take out the trash!” changed to “You don’t love me!” for the “Service Story” speaker. And “You hate my new haircut” means “I want you to tell me you think I’m beautiful” for lovers who need words of confirmation.
“Change the perception of why someone doesn’t show ‘true’ love to curiosity about learning how to better communicate their needs,” psychologist Jennifer Rhodes told Elite Daily. She adds, “When conflict arises, it’s time to ask the question, ‘How do you feel most loved?’ and be prepared to listen.”
Things you should say to your partner every day
Have you ever wondered what you can do every day to keep the love and passion in your relationship? You don’t have to buy gifts or rub your feet every morning. (Although they might like it too.)
However, you need to pay attention to the words that come out of your mouth. The way you talk to your partner will bring you closer or create distance and discord in your relationship.
Relationship coach Casey and Meygan Caston told me, “I think we often underestimate the power of words in our marriages. It’s amazing what simple compliments can do to lift our spirits and develop love. When we get married, we often think about ourselves. Couples know how much we love them, but it’s important to develop the daily habit of expressing our gratitude and affection for them.”
But what is the most important thing to say to your partner every day? I asked the experts and found out what couples can say to each other to keep love and relationships strong.
I love you
No wonder so many relationship experts advise saying “I love you” to your partner every day. Alice Ruby Basch, PhD, LMFT emphasizes the importance of sharing love every day, telling me, “To keep the spark and romance in a marriage, you need to make the other person feel like a romantic partner every day. It’s important to make your partner feel loved, valued.” respected and revered.”
Leslie Doares, founder of Foundations Coaching and host of Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning, recommends sharing your love in your partner’s love language. Gary Chapman’s book Love Languages describes five love languages: acts of service, words of approval, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Donating invites you to discover how your partner wants to receive love, and be sure to give it that way. She told me, “When you speak their love language, they can really ‘hear’ you and feel that they matter.”
If you want your partner to feel deeply loved, go beyond just saying “I love you.” The castons told me about their powerful practice of sharing love with one another. “One of the turning points in our relationship was that we learned to use the power of words of encouragement for each other. We call this 60 seconds of blessing, and this is how it works: You start by telling your partner 60 seconds of encouragement, appreciation, and love. When you’re done, your partner will spend the next 60 seconds sharing what they love about you.”
That’s why I love you
Take “I love you” a little further and tell your partner why you love them. This will show them that you’re not just saying “I love you” but that you’ve thought a lot about why he or she is so important to you.
According to Jessica Elizabeth Opert, love and relationship coach, “It’s really important to say ‘I love you.’ However, over time this can turn into a meaningless greeting. Push your boat and give your partner a reason why you love them every day. “It reminds us why we love them so much and lets your partner know that you see and value them.”
But don’t tell your partner the same reason every day – confusion. Opert suggests making a list of reasons why you love your partner and then picking a few from that list every day. “Keep a journal of what your partner does every day to remind you why you love them so much. Once you have a healthy list to work with, start expressing it.”
When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, the two of you naturally take on certain tasks. She washes the dishes while you get the kids ready for bed. He takes out the trash and you sweep the floor. It’s very easy to take your partner for granted and ask them to do the same for you. That’s why it’s so important to say “thank you” every day.
Nicole Prause, Ph.D., licensed psychologist and founder of Liberos LLC, advocates “appreciating what your partner does every day with their specific behaviors and emotional responses. For example: “Glad you finished doing the dishes. I feel very grateful.” “Your silly voice is so melodious at the end of the day. Very funny”.”
If you want to make sure your partner keeps doing the things you love, like cooking dinner for you or helping you clean the garage, “thank you” can be very helpful. Prause continues: “High specificity in the choice of behavior that happened recently can help to clearly assess what the partner is actually doing…and encourage that behavior in the future!”
Kimberly Hershenson, a relationship therapist in New York, agrees: “Every couple should find something in their partner every day to be grateful for and share it with them. Whether it’s gratitude for hard work, cleaning the house, or taking care of the kids. , praising loved ones leads to increased positivity in a relationship.”
You are awesome
Dr. Patricia O’Gorman, a psychologist in New York State, told me, “I suggest that couples say to each other every day anything focused on seeing their partner the way they want to be…at their best. “
Even though self-esteem comes from within, it doesn’t hurt to have your partner tell you how good you are every now and then. When my husband expresses appreciation for an article I write or a piece of cake I make, I feel closer to him because I know he cares about me and what I do.
Operat agrees, adding: “It’s not your job to be their only source of self-esteem. However, we can increase and decrease people’s self-esteem and self-esteem. Relationships are investments. People who feel better individually will be better partners. “.
You can be proud of your partner for their promotion, their ability to make your mom laugh, or even their amazing video game skills. But he won’t know until you tell him. So don’t forget to share how awesome you think it is.
How to remember to say love to your partner (how to know your partner’s love language)
I know how hard it can be to actively remember to say words of love to your partner every day, so I asked the experts if they had any suggestions.
Hershenzon recommends checking in with your partner at night. “You can do a nightly ritual to say these things at dinner every night or before bed. Take your time to make emotional connection a habit,” she says.
Dr Basch agrees with the idea of a nightly ritual. “Set a time of day, maybe late at night, to really connect and connect,” she says. “That will keep the romance alive in the long run.”
Caston uses their phones to remember to chat (or text) each other about love all day. “As we all have such busy lives, we set reminders on our phones throughout the day to send those positive words to each other. And if it’s not a text message, then it’s a personal compliment.”
Opert has another great idea: “Put it in line with other daily habits you already have. Do you two brush your teeth every night? So do it! Do you have weekly dinners, just the two of you? Start with that.”
Create an Unbreakable Bond (How to Know Your Partner’s Love Language)
Your words have tremendous power – especially when it comes to the way you speak to your partner.
They can create a rift between you or create an unbreakable bond. When you realize how you talk to your partner, you can take action every day to strengthen your relationship.
Milrad told me, “When you start to recognize positive ways to attract your partner every day, you not only bring a higher self to the relationship, but you also bring out the best in your partner.”
Words of love will help you get closer to your partner – and it will help you become the best partner possible.
In addition to how to know your partner’s love language, also read: How to chat on Tinder